The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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