i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
