Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
