just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
