Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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