We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
