Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
