In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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