when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
