remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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