He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
