This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
