A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
