Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize