so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
