Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
