take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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