"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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