4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
