Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
