Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
