Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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