my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
