I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
