i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Randomize
