Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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