On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
