Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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