we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
