It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
