we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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