dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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