he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
