Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
