i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
