I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
