when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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