I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
time to smoke my breakfast
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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