Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
