I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
