saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
