Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
