Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
