he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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