just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
