My liver just broke up with me...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
