I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
