Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
