I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
