you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
