those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
