the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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