you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
