i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
