I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize