We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
