Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Please, let me fuck your mom
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
