Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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