The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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