But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
