I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
