I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She bit a glass in half.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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