I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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