is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
