She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
