Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
