I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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