I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
