The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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