In America we eat man semen.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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