ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
