Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize