You're so nebulous sometimes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
