i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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