it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
