Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
